The Culture of Hope Founded on Faith
Jacob’s Prayer
Many times circumstances have brought me to my knees before God, especially recently. And the prayers that I pray sound a lot like Jacob’s prayer in Genesis 32:9-12.
Having left his understandably hostile brother some twenty years before, Jacob was fearful for his safety, along with the safety of his family, livestock, goods, and servants, as he approached his father’s home. Having been told that his brother, Esau, was coming to meet him with four hundred men, he exercised self-reliance instead of God-reliance, dividing his people and belongings into two groups so that if one was destroyed the other group would be able to escape. Then he prayed.
“And Jacob said, O God of my father Abraham, and God of my father Isaac, the LORD which said unto me, Return unto your country, and to your kindred, and I will deal well with you. I am not worthy of the least of all the mercies and of all the truth which you have showed unto Your servant, for with my staff I passed over this Jordan and now I am become two bands. Deliver me, I pray thee, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau, for I fear him, lest he will come and smite me and the mothers with the children. And You said, I will surely do you good, and make your seed as the sand of the sea, which cannot be numbered for multitude.”
Following the prayer, he sent everyone over the nearby brook without him and arranged for a gift of much livestock sent ahead to appease his brother. Then Jacob found himself wrestling with God throughout the night. His name was changed to Israel at this point and his hip was damaged in the fight. The next day, instead of the violence he expected from Esau, Jacob found reconciliation with his brother at the end of his journey. God had answered his prayer even before he had uttered it.
On my own part, the prompt to pray such a prayer as Jacob’s has come from events like Dan’s medical issues as well as my own transitional milestones. Unlike Jacob, I have never given God conditions by which I would grant Him my belief (Genesis 28:20-21). However, God’s work in Jacob’s life to bring him from that kind of cynicism to the full faith and belief in God that is demonstrated in his Genesis 32 prayer, shows me that my own spiritual journey is as full of hesitancy as his was.
Like Jacob, I am dealing with issues that shed doubt on the motivation and validity of everything I have ever done. It has to do with major changes in my life. A few years ago, I transitioned into retirement and proceeded to enjoy activities related to my being retired. My husband’s second cancer, his retirement the same year, a devastating auto accident that summer, a not-so-devastating move after living forty-five years in the same town, and my husband’s major surgery shortly after, were all huge changes in a relatively short period of time for both of us. To realize the spiritual parallels with Jacob’s journey was one of those “oh-yeah-huh” moments for me.
I’ve always heard that you shouldn’t make any huge, life-changing decisions or actions before a year has gone by after the experience of huge, life-changing events. I realize now that I am finally dealing with the trauma of having violated that rule. We had five major disruptors to our lives in a little over a year and a half without enough time in between, humanly speaking, to fully process everything involved.
But it’s a good thing. God has brought me to a place that requires me to rethink my direction in the face of where I am right now, even to the point of questioning what my motivation is for writing this devotional every week. Talk about a crisis of faith, I am there. God has proceeded to strip away all activities that I knew before our move in order to get my attention. I have ignored this wrestling with God for far too long. I have no other choice but to be still before God and await His answer to my prayer, which I know from past experience is already answered but waiting for me to get to the place where I am able to accept it.
My prayer follows Jacob’s like this:
“God, my Father and Savior of my soul. You have been merciful to me, a sinner, in all things. By your grace you have called me to unconditional salvation and adoption in your Son, Jesus Christ. You have directed every aspect of my life and provided all my needs in every way to this point. Deliver me, I pray, from all fears and regrets that hinder my worshiping you in service. Keep me from self-reliance that would cause me to try to go ahead of your instruction. You have promised never to leave me. You have promised joy in the morning. You have promised perfect peace in my release of anxiety to you. Guide my soul to be still before you and await your answer, to know how you would have me serve you in this part of my life.”
